The Missing Pages
by BlackboxStar
Summary: What was missing in the book In the Hand of the Goddess. My first fic so feel free to trash it in the comments. It's a lemon.
1. Chapter 1

Another snapshot of what was missing in the book In the hand of the Goddess.

He opened the door. His eyes were bright as he looked at her. Alanna swallowed, "I'm scared. Help me, please."

Jonathan's voice was rough as he said, "I'm scared too. At least we can be scared together."

She stepped tentatively through his door closing her own behind her. She took a deep breath, fighting panic. For a moment she felt as though she had closed off her only escape.

Her chin quivered dangerously, "I don't know what to do." She whispered. She was nervous. Jon smoothed her hair bringing his hand to rest on the back of her head. The other arm he used to pull her into a hug, a strong, tight, reassuring hug.

"It's all right Alanna," he reassured her. He pulled her toward the bed and gently sat her down. As he held her around her beautiful body his hands itched to touch her, to remove her clothes and show her what he knew, but he knew that she was not ready, so he sat next to her.

"Now what?" She murmured, not sure what to expect.

"Honestly, we can just sit here if you would rather. I don't mind if you're not ready for sex. I just want to love you." He answered. He knew it was the kind of corny line that young men used on young women all of the time, but he truly meant it.

"I don't know, Jon." She whispered. Her desire for him warred with her fear of love deep within her stomach. She summoned her courage and managed to breathe, "kiss me please."

From his position next to her he leaned and gently connected lips in a soft kiss. After a moment, he pulled away, just a bit, to give her a chance to take it all in and to stop him if she wanted him to stop. But she had felt the electricity between that kiss and she leaned forward for more.

Satisfied that she wanted to continue, he used one hand to pull her head closer, another he wrapped around her back. He hesitated a moment, unsure of how she would react, before gently inserting his tongue into her mouth. She was a natural, he noticed as she pulled her body still closer in response to his deepened kiss.

Alanna was surprised by her heightened feeling in her breasts. In their kissing, she pushed him backward so that he sat against the wall once more with his feet ahead, she sat on his lap, straddling him and leaned in, crushing her chest against his. She was surprised when the movement caused lightning to go shooting up her abdomen from between her legs. She pressed with her pelvis causing more lightning. She was surprised when she felt something hard between his legs.

"What?" She asked as she gasped for breath.

He laughed, "It's me, that feels really good. You made me hard."

"I did that?" She demanded incredulously.

"Yes! You're better at this than you think."

"I've never done this before. I've only heard from the other boys."

"Well you picked up something or other." He had somehow grabbed both of her hands as they kissed. He used one thumb to gently caress the skin between her thumb and forefinger. "Do you want to stop?"

She kissed him again in reply. This time, she thrust with her hips. With each thrust, the hard mass beneath got harder and more pronounced and the more she felt when she pushed along its length. He gently placed his hands under her shirt, feeling the gentle curve of her waist. He felt her ribs as his hands slowly continued. He wanted to give her plenty of time to stop him. She suddenly stopped, froze. Her face was thoughtful, then a flash of decision. It's ok, she whispered.

He brought his hands up and began to unwind the bandages that she had wrapped around her breasts. He wanted to rip them off, but he knew that they probably hurt her enough already. Once the bandages had been dropped to the floor, he took one breast in his hand. He felt it, gently squeezed it. He brushed his thumb across the nipple which hardened pleasingly. She continued kissing and thrusting. He pulled her shirt off tossing it to the floor. He had to pull away from her kiss. He wanted to see her. She had lines from where the bandages were, but she was still achingly beautiful. He leaned forward using his mouth to suck on one nipple. He wrapped his lips around his teeth and applied gentle pressure. The little gasp that escaped her lips only made him want her more. He played with the other in the same way.

She pulled him backward through their pants she could feel him, and she continued to thrust until he regretfully pulled away. "We have to stop now," he said. I'm about to come. He explained that it was messy. When she asked, he explained that usually girls swallowed it after head or it was left inside after sex.

Suddenly, she was unsure again. "Jon," she whispered, "tell me about head."

"It's where you use your mouth to make the other person come." He answered, in his mind he couldn't help but to visualize her.

"Guys actually like that?"

"Yeah. It feels really good."

Alanna took a deep breath. She wasn't sure exactly what she was doing. She was a little afraid, but she wanted to make Jon feel good. She unbuttoned his pants with shaky fingers, pulling them slowly out of the way. She felt like she stood at the edge of a cliff trying to jump off. After a moment, she leapt, she leaned forward and began.

Alanna ran her tongue in awkward circles around the circumference, she tried running her tongue along its length. After a few moments Jon gently whispered, "try just moving up and down with me inside your mouth."

Thankful for his help, she wasn't sure what she was doing, she obliged. She was pleased to feel him shiver, then to hear his breath come in ragged. Now and again, she would go too far down and gag leaving gooey liquid at the back of her throat. A few times Jon had to gently remind her not to use her teeth. Then, after what seemed like an eternity, he put a hand on her head, she knew enough from the other squires to know that girls were supposed to hate this, she didn't mind it though. In fact, it only turned her on more that Jonathan was enjoying her so much that he couldn't help it. He just seemed desperate to touch her. He crinkled her short hair in his hand, his breath speeding. A few moments later, she felt his penis tighten and loosen several times and felt a horrible tasting liquid enter her mouth. She fought to describe it, to swallow it, and to not throw it back up.

He handed her a cup of spiced cider, "Here, it'll help with the taste."

While she drank, he pulled her up. She handed him back the cup then lay down in the curve of his body. He played with her breasts, then let his hand slide below her breeches, below her loincloth. He had more experience than Alanna, he knew just where to touch her. She moved sensually against him, after a moment, he undressed her, completely, then continued exploring her beautiful vagina. He left the clitoris to push one finger into her. She thrust against his hand. He gently worked another finger in as she continued thrusting. Suddenly, she ghasped. He knew it hurt her when he felt her violently and involuntarily tighten around his fingers. He whispered soothingly, "It's ok, relax and don't break my fingers."

She breathed for the first time in several seconds and tried to relax. She felt his fingers pull out and felt the raw feeling they left. When she turned around, he was using the bandages to wipe blood off of his fingers.

"I'm sorry. Could I really have broken your fingers?"

"No but I had to say something to calm you down. It's ok."

Suddenly, Alanna was tired. "Can we stop for tonight?"

In response, he pulled her into the curve of his body and draped one arm gently over her. She snuggled into him yawning.


	2. Chapter 2

_So, lemme know how I'm doing. Like I said before, it's my first fic. Constructive criticism in the comments will be much appreciated. Stupid comments like "I hate htis because it sucks" will be laughed at. PM me if there's anything you wanna read._

The next night, as Alanna prepared for bed, Jon came up behind her wearing only breeches, he hugged her from behind and kissed her behind the ear as she watched him from the mirror. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her gently to the bed, walking backward. He suddenly scooped her up from behind and deposited her onto the bed. She was surprised that she rather liked the rough way he was handling her. Something in it made everything even better. Tonight the kisses were passionate. They moved together in a surge of energy. As his lips crushed hers Jon lifted her hands above her head, using just enough strength to keep them there when Alanna resisted. She arched her back in response against his already hard member.

Jon moved one of her hands, locking both wrists in the fingers of his left hand. His right, moved all the way down the length of her body over her clothes, and all the way back up. She had already removed the bandages, so her breasts were free and easy to get to. He grabbed one roughly kneading the nipple between his thumb and forefinger. Still holding her wrists in one hand, moved the shirt out of the way enough that he could lower his mouth to her breast, just to the right of the little colored circle that was her very hard nipple. He bit down. Alanna struggled even though it did not hurt. She bent her knees, planting her feet and arching her back. Jon liked the look of her breasts as she did so. He sucked where he had bitten ensuring that she would bruise, something to remember him by.

Suddenly, he was brought back to Alanna's hips. She had found a rhythm and she ground her pelvis into his over and over. She was getting better, after only one night of practice. She worked her hands free as she thrust then she tightened her abdomen to push them both up and force him backwards. All day, she had felt sore, almost bruised. She realized that she would probably hurt more in the morning, but she pushed up against him anyways.

As they kissed, he moved one hand until he was pushing two fingers up into her. She was tight, very tight. The pit of his stomach fell. He was reminded that she would hurt terribly once they got around to sex. He hated that he would have to hurt her like that. He didn't say anything, just continued kissing her and trying help her to loosen up. He stopped when she said it hurt.

The rock hard of her abdomen, her arms, her legs were also good places to touch. He loved the feeling of her body, no girl he had ever touched had ever had such a beautiful body. Alanna was everything he had ever wanted. Everything.

That night, Alanna dreamed as he thought. He thought about the future and what it would hold for him. He wasn't sure yet, but he was beginning to consider the idea of Alanna as his queen. Sure he'd have to talk the nobles around, but Alanna would be a wonderful companion for him. Also, having a queen who could hold her own if the time came would not only be convenient, but practical.

Jon was brought out of his thoughts by her murmuring in her sleep. She moved against him and he tightened his arm around her comfortingly.

Many nights passed. Every night, they went a little bit further. Jon decided that Alanna was the best lover he had ever and would ever have. She moved against him matching him in tenderness or in passion, whichever he happened to feel, she also seemed to feel.

And she was falling in love with him as he was falling in love with her.

The very first night they tried sex she whispered to him "try". He gently positioned himself and pushed. Not hard. Not enough to go all the way in, she ghasped. He saw the tear that leaked out of one eye. He pushed a little further in. She felt as though he was not in at all. She felt as though he was pushing on a solid barrier. When she could take no more she pushed upward forcing him out. Then he held her while she cried for reasons she was unable to explain. Maybe it was that she couldn't even get sex right. Maybe she was upset that she couldn't give Jon what she felt he deserved. Whatever the reason, she sobbed into his chest as he patiently stroked her hair.

The next day, she hurt. She felt it when she walked and when she visited the privy. The next night, she bravely told him to do it. This time, Jon pushed in a little faster. Alanna cried out and her eyes welled tears. She was so tight Jon wanted to go faster and faster until he came. He forced himself to hold still until he could calm her down.

"Alanna look at me! You have to relax, ok?" He felt her try. He felt her relax and tighten, trying to focus. After a minute she bit her lip and he felt her relax and stay that way. He pulled most of the way out, watching her carefully. After a moment he pulled out.

"I said you had to relax, not pretend it didn't hurt. I'm not going to think less of you if this hurts you." He told her. Then he remembered, she would bleed! He moved one hand along the length of his penis then held it up so he could see it. Sure enough, blood glistened on his palm. "Shit." He said jumping up.

"What!?" she asked frightened.

He found a towel then moved the blankets. He pressed them against her to stop the blood flow. Once he was satisfied that she was no longer losing blood he cleaned his bed as best he could then found a knife and made a cut on his leg so if anyone asked how blood got on his bed, he would have a wound to show them.

"Will it ever get easier?" she asked. Once reassured, she pushed her aching pelvis against his and fell asleep as he held her close.


	3. Chapter 3

Deep in her dreams that night, the menacing figure of Roger haunted her. He watched her and Jonathan from an open doorway smiling like a villain. He observed them at their nighttime activity. Alanna tried to shrink against Jon, but he was not there. Instead, Roger crossed the threshold and climbed to her. The fear swamped her and she began to cry out. She screamed over and over hoping Jon would hear her and rescue her from his evil cousin.

Suddenly the dream was gone, Alanna was crying into Jonathan's beautiful chest. He desperately whispered telling her to wake up and that it was ok. She worked to calm herself and to stop crying. Without meaning to, she whispered "Roger!"

Jon suddenly pulled her back by the shoulders so he could look at her. "What?" he said severely.

"I dreamed of Roger." Alanna explained. She was still shaken by the nightmare and Jon's overreaction was not helping her calm down. Her voice quavered.

The quaver in her voice tugged at him, but he pushed that away. "I thought I told you to let that nonsense go!" he demanded, his voice steely.

Suddenly, it was all too much for Alanna. She began to cry. She cried and cried and cried, all the while asking Jon why he was angry at her for having a nightmare and calling him names she had learned from the soldiers.

Jon pulled away. He got up, throwing on pants. He needed to leave, to go for a walk around the palace grounds. Alanna collapsed on his bed, she melted into a puddle and cried. She was afraid that she had lost him and suddenly, her tears took a ragged edge that whispered gently of heartbreak. Jon was at the door when the sound of her heartbreak broke through his rage. He held the door, squeezing the doorknob tightly for a moment before he surrendered his anger and went to her. He gathered her body into his arms. He told her everything would be all right and that he wasn't angry.

She was afraid that Jon did not want her anymore. She was afraid that he was only comforting her out of pity. She fought the urge to cry again. She turned her face up to his kiss. A kiss that started slowly but quickly began to get deeper and more meaningful.

She twisted her body close to him. She pushed him on, raising the stakes. Jon was all too willing to surrender. She began to undress him, sex would prove that he wanted her and still loved her. She moved quicker, even more desperately.

While Jon knew her well, he did not understand this need. He knew that she needed something, and that she thought sex would fulfill that. He wished he could understand what it was she was trying to get.

As they tried again, Alanna hurt less but still hurt. Each thrust felt like it left her raw inside. Eventually, she could take it no more. She pushed his torso upward, satisfied only when she felt him flop out of her and felt the relief of not having something stretching her. She sighed against him, her fears not quite subsided.

As he stroked her hair, he took a leap of faith. "I love you Alanna, you don't have to say anything, I just wanted you to know that." He finally felt her relax against him and knew that he had given her what she had needed.


End file.
